✨ TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN! ✨ DON'T CRY BECAUSE IT'S OVER, CRY BECAUSE I'M EXPENSIVE! ✨

😭 GOOD GRIEF! 😭

The only counselor who puts the "FUN" in "FUNERAL!"

Why choose me? 🐹

I don't just listen; I provide high-quality tissues and interpretative dance to express your inner turmoil. I'm 100% certified by the Internet! (Probably!)

The "Pizza & Pout" 🍕

We eat a whole pepperoni pizza in silence. It solves nothing, but hey, pizza!

The "Void Scream" 🗣️

I take you to a local parking lot and we scream at minivans for 20 minutes.

Ghost-Ghosting 👻

Is your late uncle annoying you? I'll help you block his spiritual frequencies!

Real Reviews from Real People (maybe)

"I came in crying, I left laughing... mostly because I saw the bill!" - Gary from Ohio

"Wait, this isn't a Taco Bell?" - Confused Customer